A U B R E Y

“On your back with you!”  One raises the mallet to sink in the spike. But the soldier’s heart must continue pumping as he readies the prisoners wrist. Someone must sustain the soldier’s life minute by minute, for no man has this power on his own. Who supplies breath to his lungs? Who gives energy to his cells? Who holds his molecules together? Only by the Son “do all things hold together” (Collosians 1:17). The victim wills the soldier live on - he grants the warrior’s continued existence. The man swings.

As the man swings, the Son recalls how he and the Father first designed the medial nerve of the human forearm - the sensations it would be capable of. The design proves flawless - the nerve performs exquisitely. “Up you go!” They lift the cross. God is on display in his underwear, and can scarcely breathe.

But these pains are a a mere warm-up to his other and growing dread. He begins to feel a foreign sensation. Somewhere during this day an unearthly foul odor began to waft, not around his nose, but his heart. He feels dirty. Human wickedness starts to crawl upon his spotless being - the living excrement from our souls. The apple of his Father’s eye turns brown with rot.

His Father! He must face his Father like this!

From heaven the Father now rouses himself like a lion disturbed, shakes his mane, and roars against the shriveling remnant of a man hanging on a cross.Never has the Son seen the Father look at him so, never felt even the least of his hot breath. But the roar shakes the unseen world and darkens the visible sky. The Son does not recognize these eyes.

“Son of Man! Why have you behaved so?

You have cheated,

lusted,

stolen,

gossiped

-

murdered,

envied,

hated,

lied.

You have cursed,

robbed,

overspent,

overeaten

-

fornicated,

disobeyed,

embezzeled,

and blasphemed.

Oh, the duties you have shirked

the children you have abandoned!

Who has ever so ignored the poor,

so played the coward,

so belittled my name?

Have you ever  held your razor tongue?

What a self-righteous

pitiful drunk

-

you, who molest young boys,

peddle killer drugs,

travel in cliques,

and mock your parents.

Who gave you the boldness to rig elections,

foment revolutions,

torture animals,

and worship demons?

Does the list never end!

Splitting families,

raping virgins,

acting smugly,

playing the pimp

-

buying politicians,

practicing extortion,

filming pornography,

accepting bribes. Y

ou have burned down buildings,

perfected terrorist tactics,

founded false religions,

traded slaves

-

relishing each morsel and bragging about it all.

I hate, I  loathe these things in you!

Disgust for everything about you consumes me! Can you not feel my wrath?”

Of course the son is innocent. He is blamelessness itself. The Father knows this. But the divine pair have an agreement, and the unthinkable must now take place. Jesus will be treated as if personally responsible for every sin ever committed. 

The Father watches as his heart’s treasure, the mirror-image of himself, sinks drowning into raw, liquid sin. Jehovah’s stored rage against humankind from every century explodes in a single direction.

“Father! Father! Why have you forsaken me?!”

But heaven stops its ears. The Son stares up at the One who cannot, who will not, reach down or reply.

The Trinity had planned it. The son endured it. The Spirit enabled him. The Father rejected the Son whom he loved. Jesus, the God-man from Nazareth, perished. The Father accepted his sacrifice for sin and was satisfied. The Rescue was accomplished. 

Excerpt from the book “When God Weeps”  by Joni Eareckson Tada and Steve Estes.

This little clip made me weep. Do I not see myself in that list? Do I not see a greater fulfillment in that type of redemption? 

VEDA HARRIOT

• give her “perfect peace” during her stay at the infirmary
• ISA 26:3 Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee
• lessen her physical suffering and free her from bondage here
• if it is your will, Lord, take her home to be at peace for eternity

“When I wake up in the morning I am blessed, till I lay my head down to rest, I am blessed.”

• let her be confident in knowing she is loved by You

Veda was quietly laying in the corner of the room. When you came in it smelt of animal waste and rot. Many of the beds had little bundles in them - odd shapes and protrusions. We held onto hands - or what remained of hands, and smiled into waxed, watered, and blind eyes. When we sang - some cried out to God in praise in thanks - others shrieked - some rocked - many lips mouthed words. Rock of Ages, Wondrous Cross, Be Still My Soul, Amazing Grace, Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus, they knew them all. One man tried to kneel by his bed to pray, his tiny frame couldn’t hold up the waist band from his pants and he grasped at them quickly trying to cover his exposed body - only to have them fall down again. Exposed. Every person was so exposed. Oozing wounds, wobbly teeth, stiff limbs. There was one who went from person to person with out stretched arms - hugging and holding each of us for a few seconds. These people have been abandoned for so long - and were so willing to give their love. A little old man sat on the corner of his bed - his face clenched in his hands. From further off he seemed to be crying - but if you got really close - and leaned your head over close to him, you’d realize he was uttering a constant streaming prayer of thankfulness to God. I never saw his face - he remained the way he was the entire time muttering “Praise God, my fortress, who watches the sparrows, Praise be to God who gave me victory in Jesus, death! where is your sting? Praise God from whom all blessing flow…” on and on. I absolutely loved talking with Veda, she moved my heart soo much. Her legs were immovable and her teeth in front were all missing - her body was rippled with convulsions, and she laughed her beautiful toothless laugh when I complimented her “dancing.” I held on to her. I felt like I had to. I wanted her to feel me there, with her. When the group finished the last song and moved to the next section - I stayed with Veda. I kept singing to her, telling her I loved her - and God cherished her. I called her my sister and she whimpered - and danced. I asked if she had anything she wanted to say and she abruptly started to sing me a song called, “I am blessed.” I let her sing it for herself - but I danced with her the whole time, rocking with her completely out of rhythm. I’m so completly unaware, I can’t even wrap my mind around what it means to be blessed now. When she finished I tried to sing the song back - but she shushed me and sang it again from top to bottom. She made me listen, I’m so glad. She asked me to pray with her, so I did. When we finished she asked me to pray for her. 

That God would take her home. That’s it. She didn’t ask for eased suffering. Just to be in the presence of the last and only thing she loved. When I looked at this woman, I saw my sister in Christ. No way I would have seen that a year ago. It was time to leave, and I kissed Veda’s hands and face, told her my love - and left. Veda Harriot is blessed. I thank God for Veda. I am blessed. 

“When I wake up in the morning I am blessed, till I lay my head down to rest, I am blessed.”

proverbs 1:32

blah. one reason i may not persue wisdom, or even just truth, one reason i guess a man could forget to persue You God is simply because they/i am 

• safe
• satisfied
• full

i mean in a passive way, not a “solid on The Rock” in the Word and tight with Jesus way. secure in my own american prosperity. 

psalm 1:1 - i may not be a fool, but i still do foolish things. i may not be a scorner, but how i find myself viewing the world scornfully. i may not be ungodly, but oh how i can put on that characteristic. 

You complete all my shortcomings. i am trapped in this fleshly body, and until i am fully spirit, i cannot give You the glory You deserve. but. i will keep heart, with all my heart,

i have my moments Lord, but i will not frustrate the grace of God: for if righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain. 

…………………… He has not died in vain. be thou my vision. how i despise hypocrisy. ive been one, let this be cleansed, i just want to abide in the Spirit. guide me, o thou great Jehovah.